Lazy Sahib

Me: Arre! Mr. X! Bade dino baad dikh rahe ho? Kahan the?

Mr. X: Hey man! Sup? Been around…see my new gogs?

Me: Bhai, kya baat hain? Itni accent! Yeh goggles kahan se lekar aa gaye aap? Palika bazaar se liya hain kya?

Mr. X: Come on dude! Yeh Lazy Sahib ke bete ne mujhe gift kiya hain. Abhi aaj kal mein college se wapas aaya hain…Dusshehra ki holidays hain na…

Me: Lazy Sahib? Who Couch Sahib ke padosi?

Mr. X: Haan haan! Tum bol to aise rahe ho ki Lazy Sahib ko nahi jaante…

Me: Bhai memory bahut kharaab hain apni. Mujhe nahi lagta Lazy Sahib se kabhi mila hoon…

Mr. X: Hey bhagwaan! Hey bhagwaan! Ghor Kaliyug aa gaya hain! Tumne aaj tak Lazy Sahib ke darshan nahi kiye? Aisa kaise hua? Kyon hua? Zindagi ke 23 saal vyarth (waste) hain tumhare…

Me: Bhai, ab aapke charon (feet) mein hoon…aap hi bata do unke baare mein…

Mr. X: Haan to bacche suno…tum Couch Sahib ko to jaante hi ho. Lazy Sahib, Couch Sahib ke ghanisht (fast) dost hain. Kismat se dono ko plot bhi saath mein mil gaya. Lazy Sahib is a big cricket fan like Couch Sahib. Saath saath mein Sahib adhyaya (literature) ke bhi shaukin hain.

Me: (interrupting) Kya baat kar rahe ho? Sahi mein? Lazy Sahib kitabein (books) padhte hain?

Mr. X: Haan haan. Bilkul. Suna hain apne time par who bade philosopher hua karte the school ke. Aise bhavarth (feelings+meaning of a poem) likhte the ki bechari teacher ke hosh udd jaate the…

Me: Yaar apne aas paas aise log bhi rehte hain…pata nahi tha. Mujhe to laga aivehi velle honge Couch Sahib ki tarah.

Mr. X: Hain na. Bahut pahuche hue velle hain.

Me: Huh?

Mr. X: Yaar tum baar baar interrupt mat kiya karo. Shanti se meri baat suno. (returning to fake accent) You are wasting my time dude.

Me: Sorry Mr. X

Mr. X: (softening a little) Lazy Sahib literature ke shaukin the…sirf apne school tak. Uske baad woh college chale gaye. Bas phir kya tha? Lag gayi college wali aadatein. Hostel mein rehte the. First year mein to bade shareef the. Ghar se hindi and angrezi (English) ki novels utha kar le gaye the. Ghar wale to itne khush hue the ki pooch mat. Hostel mein pehle do mahine kya saaf safai se rehte the. Roommate bahut hi nalayak tha. Lekin Lazy Sahib uski kahan chalne dete the. Poore hostel mein Lazy Sahib ke room ki taarefein (praises) hua karti thi. Seniors ne bhaut ragging li Lazy Sahib ki. Lekin he was a strong man!

Do mahine tak to sab badhiya tha. Raat mein 10:30 baje tak so jaate the Lazy Sahib and subh 4:30 baje up and ready! Subah subah bhagwaan ki pooja karte the. Agarbatti (incense sticks) jalate the. Roz subah college jaane se pehle Hanuman chalisa padhte the. Har hafte (every week) upvass (fast) bhi rakhte the. Raat mein dinner 7:30 ya 8 baje tak kar lete the. Uske baad do ghante padhai and phir bache hue time Munshi Premchand ya Alistair MacLean ki books padhte the.

Me: Phir kya hua?

Mr. X: Phir kya? Ek din unhe keeda lag gaya…

Me: Keeda?

Mr. X: Ab aas paas itni aalsi (lazy) kaamchor log rahenge to aadatein (habits) to kharab hongi hi. Ek weekend seniors inko lekar ghoomne chale gaye. Lazy Sahib ne pata nahi kya soch kar haan bol di. Do din (two days) baad jab wapas aaye to bechare thake hue the. Do din ke gande kapde (dirty clothes) dhone the. Padhai karni thi. Neend bhi aa rahi thi. Agle din test the. Bahut kuch karna tha. Isliye Sahib so gaye (slept off).

Bas phir kya tha…jo hua who to hona hi tha. Sahib ka test kharab hua. Kaam due hota gaya. Padhai mein peeche hone lage. Gande kapde ka pahad lag gaya. Roommate ki tarah Lazy Sahib bhi subah der se sone lage. Roz sham dinner ke baad hansi-thatoli sabha (fun and laughter sessions) mein Lazy Sahib bhi baithne lage. Raat mein der se sone lage. Phir kya subah uthate? Agarbatti ka packet dhool (dirt) khane laga. Bhagwaan ji ki murti (statue) par dhool lag gayi. Sahib ke pyaare Munshi Premchand and Alistair MacLean table par sajawat (decoration) ke item ho gaye.

Kuch time baad ghar gaye to ghar wale shock mein chale gaye. Din din bhar aaraam farmaate the. Ghar ka koi kaam nahi karte the. School ke un awara bacchon ke saath uthna baithna ho gaya thi, jinhe ek samay Lazy Sahib door se namaskar karte the. Jab wapas college pahuche to pata chala ki exam aane wale hain. Ab Lazy Sahib ke to haath paav phool gaye (feeling very tensed). Kya karein? Kaise padhe? Kya padhein aur kya na padhein? Classes to bahut miss hui thi Lazy Sahib ki. Course tak ka ata pata (information) nahi tha.

Inhi dino kisi ne Lazy Sahib ko cigarette ki aadat laga di. Kaha concentration banega. Raat mein neend nahi aayegi. Stress kam ho jayega. Lazy Sahib bechare. Aaj tak to novels mein hi padha tha cigarettes ke baare mein. Ab try bhi kar liya. Phir kya. Lag gayi aadat. Din ke 4-5 to aivehi maar lete the. Weekend ho to 8-10. Exam ho to poori dibbi hi khatam!

Jaise taise kar ke 3 saal kate college ke. Ghar walon ne to poori umeed chod di thi ki Lazy Sahib zindagi mein kuch karenge. Lekin college se nikalte nikalte Lazy Sahib ne kuch dost bhi bana liye the. Kisi ki meharbaani kripa se job bhi lag gayi. Zindagi chalti rahi. Kuch time baad shaadi ho gayi. Ab Lazy Sahib 48 saal ke hain. Beta first year mein hain. B.Tech kar raha hain.

Me: !

Mr. X: To yeh thi Lazy Sahib ki dukh bhari daastaan (story) sankshipt (short) mein.

Me: Bhai, tujhe itna sab kaise pata?

Mr. X: Sahib ka ladka hain na…bachpan ka dost hain apna!

Me: Oh! Naam kya hain Lazy Sahib ke ladke ka? Kuch literature se inspired hoga?

Mr. X: Arre nahi…Ullu naam hain uska…

Me: Ullu…!

Mr. X: Haan…to? Naam mein kya rakha hain?

Me: To kuch batao bhai Ullu ke bhi baare mein? Introduce karao? Kahin chaltein hain chai-coffee par?

Mr. X: (shouting) Oye Ullu! Ruk! Aaya! (Wait! Coming!) Yaar…kabhi aur…abhi Ullu ke saath jaana hain. Who bike lekar aa gaya. See you dude. Take care. Gotta roll!

Me: Oh…!

- Parekh, Pravesh

October 15, 2013;

03:03 AM